Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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