margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
