I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize