I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
