Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
