we have pet lesbian snakes
Its about making memories worth repressing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
