Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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