So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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