i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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