i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
