oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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