we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
