Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
