If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
