I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
