i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
