he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
