the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
