I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
