He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
