3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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