she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
