bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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