i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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