see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
