She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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