I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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