Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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