Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
