Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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