How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
