He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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