dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
