Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
