On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
