Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Come on in and take your pants off
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