thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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