you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You dont lie about slip and slides
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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