things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
