im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
