you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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