the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
