covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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