I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
