Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
