end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
