and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
