so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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