i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
