I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
