if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
