would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
