i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
