How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
