My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
