it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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