I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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