So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
