He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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