she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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