does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
