im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
