I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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