So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
