took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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