1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
